I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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