I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
