I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
