he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
