there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My liver just broke up with me...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
