I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
