we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
