A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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