When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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