if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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