We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The power of my boobs compel you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
