Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
