So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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