I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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