Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
