That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
