just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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