It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
there is puke in my bra ... again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
