I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
