We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
