My sheets look like a crime scene.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
