His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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