on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
