I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
