was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
