i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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