plz talk dirty to me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
