Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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