oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
