just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
