I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
