so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
