I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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