She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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