Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
