You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
