I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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