please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
