question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
