Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
