You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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