Just fell off a train. Bad.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
