How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
