I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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