Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
