my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
