I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
