I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
