It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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