I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
