I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
