I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
