their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
