I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
